My Mom Ride

What a ride it is!

Welcome back! I thought I would share with you this week a little bit about me as a mom. Being a mom is a large part of who I am and I can't write about the rest of my life without including my mom journey and how this role plays a part in everything else I do. I know some of you will relate and others will not, and that is ok. I'm here to share!

My son, Aarow, is the cutest! Yes, of course I am biased when it comes to my son :) He is full of what feels like non-stop energy. He has such an inquisitive mind and huge heart. He is smart, intuitive, sensitive, and a born leader. He is also quick with a temper and struggles with emotional regulation. His doctor declared he has ADHD with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). While I don't always go along with diagnoses like this or labels, I do see the defiance piece a lot.

My son, Aarow, and I. Photo taken by Sally Carpenter.

Aarow has come a long way with being able to regulate himself, his communication skills, and patience (this is still a big one he is working on). He does still have those moments of going from 0 to 100 when something or someone frustrates him or makes him upset for any reason. There isn't much of a middle ground right now on tolerance. It is either he is happy go lucky or he is angry and dysregulated. Again, he has come a long way and continues to improve on these things. His alternative school has played such a pivotal role in his progress!

One thing I love about watching him grow and evolve is when he reaches a goal or milestone and he is beaming with pride and joy that he has achieved this thing he has been working on. Something recently is when he read me three books from school! Reading and writing is something he has struggled with. He is in 4th grade right now and he had been down on himself about not being able to really read yet like some other kids in his class. As a mom, it is really heartbreaking to watch your child feel bad about their own abilities, no matter what it is. But, this is where we come in and remind them that they are doing their best, they are amazing in every way, and they are going at their own pace and that's ok, and to not compare themselves to others.

Photo of Aarow by me.

It is not an easy ride being a mom to a kiddo who has these challenges. It isn't easy on them either. Nervous system regulation plays a big part in the wellbeing of both the parent, and the child. I have been dealing with fits and complete meltdowns very regularly for 10 years. It's expected that babies and toddlers cry and have fits, yes. Dysregulated moments with an older kiddo can be rough though. I love him through those moments, even when I want to be somewhere else or break down and cry right along with him.

Things like yelling, screaming, throwing things around the house like pillows, soft toys etc. (apartment in my case), flat out telling me no, attitude, telling me he hates me and other very rude and disrespectful, hurtful words are what happens when he becomes dysregulated. Some things that can get him to this state are: getting frustrated over a video game, something not working the way he wants it to, being told no about something, transitions of most any kind, or it could be that I need to go to the store and he doesn't want to go. Anybody else relate?!

This is what I feel like during those dysregulated moments.

As a mom, I find it is such a delicate balance of being authoritative and allowing him freedom to express how he is feeling, or what he is wanting/needing in any given moment without getting carried away. I allow him to question things because it's important and I don't believe in blindly following what someone else says. I also need to make sure that said questioning isn't being disrespectful. Again, the balance. I allow him to help make decisions about what to eat, what we are going to do on this day or that, without giving him control over it all or making him feel like everything will be a negotiation. Hello balance!

There are so many ups and downs! It's a wild ride that I never thought I would be on. He has taught me so much about myself, different ways of looking at things (at life), and stepping out of my comfort zone. I love that I can share with him all the things I find magical in this life, and to watch the sparkle in his eyes when he finds the magic himself or when he does something new or learns something new. I love all our cuddles and hugs and blowing kisses. I love when I miss him and when he misses me. I love how much he says I am the best, and beautiful, and he wants to be with me forever in this life and in the next.

It's those lovey dovey moments that make all the harder ones worth it, and more bearable. I continue to find healthy ways of supporting him while also making sure I am keeping myself healthy, mind, body, and soul. Nutrition plays a big part in that, along with getting outside and grounding, limiting screen time (that is a tough one these days), and limiting sugar/candy intake to once on the weekends. It can feel exhausting keeping up with all of it, but so worth it.

I also practice herbalism and that plays a role in my wellbeing too. Ashwaganda is a crucial one for me, and has been for a while now, to manage stress. I have even gone as far as taking Cortisol Manager before bed to help lower my cortisol levels. It helps! When I am regulated, I am better able to be the mom my son needs. I am also serving myself by making sure self care is prioritized. We can't pour from an empty bucket, after all.

Ok folks, that is all for today and my wild mom ride, for now. I hope you have a fantastic week. Stay safe. Sending you lots of love and gratitude.

Until next time...