The Start of My Healing Journey
I suppose my healing journey kicked off when I took up a Yoga Teacher Training course in 2015. I was living with my mother at the time with my one year old due to economic hardship, and after separating from his father. Yoga was a way back into myself. And, while that course laid the foundation for the current path I am on, I really didn't start focusing on the actual act of healing until 6 years later, in 2021.
I took this photo in 2018. My son and I were living in our new place for two years at that point, and I was excited to be able to get into Urdhva Dhanurasana.
The healing I have been seeking if for my mental and emotional health (of course, right?). You know when you feel stuck or stagnant and in a constant loop of negative thinking or feeling like your cortisol levels will never come back down? Or, maybe you, too, have noticed that you have co-dependency issues and abandonment scars. These are the traumas and programming I have sought healing for.
In 2021 I graduated college for the third time (three different degrees) and felt completely burnt out. My son and I were living off my $550 a month state assistance and food stamps. Things were tight but we got by. Once the summer months arrived, I began dragging myself to the lovely little pond up the road. There is a horseshoe shaped beach there and I parked my tired butt in my short beach chair with my coffee. And I sat, silently, and alone. I simply existed and that was enough. The water did not ask anything of me, and the earth held me in that sand. I sat there for what felt like days with eyes closed. In reality it was more like 3 hours.
Photo by me.
After my son left for school in the mornings, I would drive straight to the pond with my chair and coffee. Nobody was there at 7:45am and I was grateful. As the water warmed to swimmable temps I began to swim as part of my morning routine. As soon as my feet hit the sand I was shedding my clothes (yes, I had a bathing suit on) and beach gear and walking waist high into the water before plunging beneath the surface.
The time I spent at that pond the summer of 2021 truly felt purifying. I felt cleansed inside and out and felt grounded in a way I hadn't since I was a child wandering the forest all day. I swam in the rain, when it was overcast, and as the sun rose over the east-facing hill. During this time in the water I could feel an energetic connection to it. It was magical. There became a sense of play and childlike joy when I would dunk under and swim short laps back and forth along the shoreline. Swimming in the rain was the best, and I highly recommend anyone to do it!
After swimming I sat on the beach and journaled and read whichever book called to me. I drank my coffee and sat with my feet in the sand (or water) until my bladder couldn't take it anymore and that was my cue to head home. The whole season was spent this way. It was truly the year I committed to self care and knew I could dive deeper into my internal waters to heal what was buried deep. I just wasn't sure how to go about it.
Photo taken by my brother.
Thanks for reading! I hope you are well. Sending you lots of gratitude for being here and wherever you are in the world.
Until next time...
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